Putting your pet to sleep

If you are a pet lover, this topic is bound to be one that you either avoid talking about or one that you defer until a situation is thrust upon you without any warning. My wife and I recently had to make this decision for our dog and needless to say, it was one of the worst days of our life. Prior to making the decision, I scoured the Internet to find out more about this topic, but was surprised at either the dearth of detail or the articles were mostly an emotional expression of letting go. This post is an attempt to not only express but also a brief overview of what to expect and the options available to you when you have to make this extremely tough decision. For some it might be a bit disturbing. Please proceed with some discretion if you are not ready to hear the details. My aim is to help you prepare for that day and that moment.

We brought Dodger, our 6-week-old Golden Retriever pup to our home and he instantly became part of our family. His penchant for being naughty and cute at the same time had us all bowled over. Golden’s have a great demeanor and are extremely friendly around children. Our kids were instantly in love with this ball of fur.

Even though I had never grown up with pets, I became enamored with Dodger. We survived the potty training and the chewing stage and life went on. Dodger grew from a mere 3 lb. pup to over 100 lbs. Around age 4, Dodger started having hip issues which is common among Golden’s. The vet advised better diet and more exercise. Dodger seemed to manage well over the years with this condition and enjoyed good long walks and fair amount of exercise sans the occasional flare up. Around age eleven or so he started growing lumps around his abdomen. Our vet did a biopsy and declared the lumps non-cancerous and about a year later we made a decision to have them surgically removed. This procedure is described in one of my previous post titled “Surgery for an aging dog”. The decision to put him through surgery in hindsight was the best thing we could have done. It added several more years to his life and made his life more comfortable.

Shortly after Dodger turned 12, he started to slow down significantly. His hip started giving him more trouble and he started having difficulty going on walks and eventually the walks became a rarity. It broke my heart to pieces when I left the house with Dodger and his despondent eyes looking at me with dismay. Walks were, after all the highlight of his day.

As time went by, his ability to get up from a resting position started becoming harder as well. Throughout his entire life, Dodger was a happy dog and had an extremely bright spirit. His zeal for food was one indication that kept us informed that Dodger was well and good. We knew something had to be really serious for him to turn down food, anytime of day or night. 

That day arrived in October of 2015. Dodger was unable to get up on his own and refused to eat. He was about 13 years and 3 months at this point. Worried, we took him to the vet and after a battery of tests and ultrasounds, it was determined that he had developed a tumor in his abdomen and it was pressing on his liver. There was a lot of fluid that had built up in his belly. The vet was raising the dreaded end of life questions. Distraught and completely disappointed, we brought Dodger home. By now, 3 days had passed and Dodger had not eaten or drank much if any at all.  On the night of 9th of October, 2015 we decided that the next day we would put Dodger to sleep. We could not see him suffering and both my wife and I were heartbroken about our decision but were convinced that this was best of our dog.

Next morning, we woke up to find Dodger up and about and staring at our bed as if nothing had ever happened. Perplexed, we followed him to the kitchen and much to our surprise, he starting eating his food, drank water and started moving around the house. Did we just watch a miracle? Indeed, Dodger survived a full 6 months after this episode. We received a gift of the extra time with him that I will never forget for as long as I live.

We all know the lifespan of a dog. I have heard tales of dog’s living 16-18 years. The truth is, 18 years is an outlier and if you are lucky enough to have your dog survive that long, thank your fortune and luck. It doesn’t happen often. Most dogs live 10 to 13 years depending upon its breed. We are told that a dog year is equivalent of 7 human years. If you had a loved one who lived for 98 years, you will no doubt miss them when they are gone but you would celebrate a life lived well. Somehow, when your dog lives the equivalent of 98 (human) years you don’t see it the same way. You still expect them to live the full 98 human years, which we all know is impossible. No one has been able to fight death, no one.

The dreaded day was upon us. There were no more mulligans to be had. No hall passes. No pardons left. The gut wrenching, cardiac infarction moment had arrived. Dodger had stopped eating again and was barely able to move. My wife had improvised a harness with sheets to lift him and take him out to the yard to pee and poop. Dodger lived a dignified life. I could count on my one hand the number of times he had “accidently” soiled inside the house. Even in his worst days, if he was able to get up and walk, he would obediently go stand at the door imploring us to let him out. During these days, I could see it in his eyes that he wanted to eat but he just couldn’t. He was alert though. He would raise his head in the same elegance we had seen him do all his life. Our baby still had plenty of dignity and courage but you just can’t overcome nature. Old age is in store for all of us. We simply choose to avoid thinking about it.

On Saturday April 9^th, 2016 we woke up and neither my wife nor I had the fortitude to call the vet. I just couldn’t bring myself to have that conversation. After mulling around for several hours and petting Dodger, I mustered up the courage to go speak with the Vet in person. With tears rolling down my face, I asked about pet euthanasia. I was given the option of bringing Dodger to the Vet hospital or use the services of a Vet who made house calls. I thanked the Vet at the VCA Mission San Jose Animal Hospital in Fremont, took the business card of the Vet who makes house calls. The Vets at the Fremont hospital were the most amazing folks we had dealt with. Compassionate, caring and honest.

Upon arriving home, I discussed the options and we both agreed that having the Vet come to our house was the best thing we could do for Dodger. He was lying down in his favorite place in the patio and this was his home. He was a homebody and that was where he was most comfortable.

I made the dreaded call and spoke with another amazing Vet. She asked several questions about Dodger and his condition and after being re-assured that nothing was awry, I was given a noon appointment. It was about 9 AM when this conversation ended. The next 3 hours were perhaps the longest of our lives. We called a few friends to come over and say their final goodbye’s to Dodger, texted our kids and informed them of our decision and hoped the clocks would stop and noon would never arrive. Time doesn’t wait for anyone. Not for Kings, President’s, Paupers or Golden Retrievers.

The Vet’s car pulled into our driveway and the mere sighting of them triggered a sinking feeling in my stomach that is impossible to describe. I have been through plenty of adversity in my life and consider myself pretty strong but on that day, you could have knocked me over with a feather. I don’t know what it is about our life but we are extremely fortunate to have met the most amazing and kind folks throughout the tough stages we have encountered and this one was no different. The Vet and her assistant were just incredible. They saw Dodger and in my broken state, I asked them if we were doing the right thing. I was clearly not ready to let my Dodger go. Both of them assured me that we were doing the right thing. My wife who was closest to Dodger was torn to pieces but knew that this was the right thing to do. We could not see our baby suffer anymore. The time had come.

The vet explained the procedure to us. They were going to administer an IV and the first injection was going to relax Dodger and make him fall asleep within seconds and it would be painless. The first shot is a mild sedative. We then got a chance to hold or pet our baby and say our final goodbye’s before a second shot is administered, which essentially is a large dose of a sedative and it eventually (within a minute) makes the heart stop beating. While this shot was administered my wife held Dodger in her arms and I held my wife in a bear hug and then we let our tears flow like a torrential downpour during Monsoons. And just like that, 13 years and 9 months disappeared in our hands. All the memories and the good times were instantly dissolved in the plastic tube that carried the lethal dose. We used the services of Dr. Wessing and her website Heaven From Home provides great detail on what to expect and the services provided. I could not recommend anyone better than Dr. Wessing. Tons of empathy & professionalism. 

We were given the option to cremate Dodger privately and we chose that and yet again we were introduced to the most amazing Pet Crematorium in Northern California. Loved Pets is located in North Monterey County in Royal Oaks. The Vet took Dodger and transported him to the crematorium and we asked to get his ashes back. He was cremated privately and a week later we received his ashes in a scatter box.

The family planted a tree in Dodger’s memory. A Golden Delicious Apple tree, befitting a Golden Retriever. The tree overlooks our bedroom and we will watch it grow as time passes. Dodger will always live in our heart and we will miss him every day and hope to see him on the Rainbow Bridge.

A plaque next to the tree we planted