I have never made bones about not having a great relationship with my father. I was born when he was 37 years old. Not too old an age for someone to become a father but starkly in contrast with my experience. I became a dad when I was merely 23 years old. Add a myriad of medical issues that he faced when I was young and throw in some tough professional circumstances and the result was a fragmented relationship. I left India when I was 20 years old, which didn't help either. I did however have the privilege to have him with me when he passed away at a fairly young age of 66 in Elyria, OH.
It's now almost 17 years since his death and still, on a daily basis, I feel his influence & presence. Someone could say that it is obvious, that I carry his genes. The question is, whether your parents influence your tastes? I am sure they do. Take poetry for example. My father was an ardent admirer of Urdu Poetry. He was a passionate writer, much of his works are alas in Urdu which I never learned. While growing up, he used to try and talk to me about the finer aspects of Urdu Poetry. He was a huge fan of Mirza Ghalib. I however was never interested in listening to him or showed any interest whatsoever in poetry much less urdu poetry. I remember vividly the evenings at Modern School Barakhamba Road, attending the annual Shankar Shaad Mushaira (held even to this day) or being asked to sit quietly to listen to Cassette tapes of Kaifi Azmi. I simply hated it. I could never understand why I was being forced to listen to music that I didn't enjoy and words that I didn't understand.
Now, if I ever even so much so, get a whiff of Begum Akhtar singing, "Ab chalakte Huey, Sagar Nahin Dekhe Jaate", I can guarantee you that you will find goose bumps all over my body. This phenomenon has always perplexed me. Why, when I was a kid, you could never make me sit down in front of a 17" black and white Crown TV to listen to the most magical voice of our past and why now, you cannot peel me away from listening to the same voice or easily distract me by Urdu poetry web sites.
I believe somewhere in the deepest cavities of our brain, there is a space that stores this information. You don't have to like what is stored there or even have any inclination that it is in fact stored. You just need to know that there is a possibility that in your lifetime, you will get a chance to retrieve this information and use it to your liking.
So, take heart in knowing that your tastes are being registered in your children's brain. You may think that they are not listening or paying attention but know that your legacy good or bad will emerge one day and your children will remember you in ways that it is hard for you to imagine at the moment.
It's now almost 17 years since his death and still, on a daily basis, I feel his influence & presence. Someone could say that it is obvious, that I carry his genes. The question is, whether your parents influence your tastes? I am sure they do. Take poetry for example. My father was an ardent admirer of Urdu Poetry. He was a passionate writer, much of his works are alas in Urdu which I never learned. While growing up, he used to try and talk to me about the finer aspects of Urdu Poetry. He was a huge fan of Mirza Ghalib. I however was never interested in listening to him or showed any interest whatsoever in poetry much less urdu poetry. I remember vividly the evenings at Modern School Barakhamba Road, attending the annual Shankar Shaad Mushaira (held even to this day) or being asked to sit quietly to listen to Cassette tapes of Kaifi Azmi. I simply hated it. I could never understand why I was being forced to listen to music that I didn't enjoy and words that I didn't understand.
Now, if I ever even so much so, get a whiff of Begum Akhtar singing, "Ab chalakte Huey, Sagar Nahin Dekhe Jaate", I can guarantee you that you will find goose bumps all over my body. This phenomenon has always perplexed me. Why, when I was a kid, you could never make me sit down in front of a 17" black and white Crown TV to listen to the most magical voice of our past and why now, you cannot peel me away from listening to the same voice or easily distract me by Urdu poetry web sites.
I believe somewhere in the deepest cavities of our brain, there is a space that stores this information. You don't have to like what is stored there or even have any inclination that it is in fact stored. You just need to know that there is a possibility that in your lifetime, you will get a chance to retrieve this information and use it to your liking.
So, take heart in knowing that your tastes are being registered in your children's brain. You may think that they are not listening or paying attention but know that your legacy good or bad will emerge one day and your children will remember you in ways that it is hard for you to imagine at the moment.
