If you are one of the lucky ones to have had a blessed and a fortunate life, take a bow, thank the lord or count your blessings. Not everyone of course is blessed with good fortune. Some, struggle mightily and spend their entire life in search of the elusive “happiness”. I have the distinct misfortune of writing two eulogies in less than a month. This year has been a “teacher” in more ways than I could ever imagine. Unfortunately loss is eternal and thus most painful. You can never have someone who leaves this earth, back. Ever. It’s that permanency that tugs at you. You start to question yourself. Could you have done more? Could you have changed the outcome? Perhaps. It’s too late though and nothing that you can do now will bring that person back, ever. There are no do-overs when you lose someone to death. There are learnings though. Great deal of them.
Shibani and I lost a friend over the weekend. She was murdered in cold blood by her husband a day ago and Shibani and I with two other friends were perhaps the last few people she interacted with before her life was taken away by a deranged man. We attended a concert together at the San Jose Event Center to see Shankar, Ehsan, Loy and said our goodbyes merely an hour before she met her untimely fate.
I met Sonia Nallan about 10 odd years ago. She was our dear friend Rekha’s neighbor in San Jose. As any desi (people of Indian heritage) will tell you, our world is small. Her husband, it turned out worked with me at 2Wire years before I met her. As time went by, we all discovered that Sonia didn’t have an ideal marriage. Like many women, she endured the abuse (please reserve your judgements) and stayed on for the sake of whatever it was important to her. We all tried to persuade her to leave. She didn’t budge. Her 2 sons were her life and her purpose for living and she was indulgent as no other mother could be.
It would be inappropriate for me to divulge personal details that she shared with us but suffice to say, she lived a life of extreme struggle and yet was giving and had a heart the size of the outdoors. With meager income and constrained finances, she would bring the largest and most exorbitant cheese platters to our house for parties. Never to even flinch when it came to sharing, she personified her largesse by doing the best she could, given her means. I know plenty of people in my circle of friends who have been bestowed with wealth that is perhaps a 100 times in magnitude but unfortunately live a life of a miser. This post isn’t meant to disparage anyone but merely highlight the generosity of Sonia and her character. She was a friend who you could count on anytime of day or night. I truly pity the folks who saw her from a shallow lens. Shibani and I will miss her and I hope she finally finds peace and doesn’t have to struggle anymore. I am still in disbelief and perhaps will come to terms with her demise in due time. This world needs to have more empathy for the people who need love and caring and I will try to start with myself and hope to make a difference. Thank you for being a part of our life and teaching us a valuable lesson Sonia. You will be missed. Here is a photo of her, all smiles at our house with Javed Akthar. I want to remember you with this smile. I truly truly hope you didn’t suffer in your last moments and more than anything else, I hope you are not one of thousands of women who died at the hands of the one person who took a vow to protect you for the rest of your life, in vain. Even if there is one woman out there who can learn from your experience and get out of a toxic relationship, your life would have served a purpose.
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