Imposter Syndrome

Imposter syndrome goes beyond merely feeling undeserving of your achievements. It’s a pervasive struggle that many face, which Jiddu Krishnamurti might describe as “conditioning.” Yet, its complexities often reveal darker layers. Over the past 10 to 12 years, I've endured multiple surgeries—some due to accidents, others stemming from genetics, and some potentially from lifestyle choices. These procedures leave scars that extend beyond the physical, prompting the existential question: “Why me?”

With each surgery, imposter syndrome tightens its grip. You begin to question the validity of your pain: Is it real? Am I imagining this? It must be all in my head! This internal conflict is especially pronounced if you're not severely restricted; you may manage to walk and complete simple tasks, yet struggle with physical activities that once came easily. The loss of those abilities can be mentally devastating, and I suspect this state of mind is more common than acknowledged.

We often see inspiring videos of individuals with disabilities excelling in extreme sports, which can intensify the feeling that your own pain isn’t valid. You try to “suck it up” and push beyond your limits, often exacerbating your condition. My surgeon measures success through range of motion, which I appreciate, but I yearn for pain relief. The surgeon’s advice can sow seeds of doubt: “Manage your pain with medication,” they say casually. Options like Gabapentin for nerve pain, Diclofenac, Meloxicam, Celebrex, Ibuprofen, Tylenol, Tramadol, OxyContin, or, God forbid, Dilaudid are presented as solutions. Yet, the constant use of these medications can wreak havoc on your liver or kidneys, not to mention the drowsiness that renders you ineffective at work. You find it hard to focus and wonder when this cycle will end.

Often, the most “helpful” comments come from those who know nothing of chronic pain. You can replace any ailment, but the response is typically the same lazy remark: “Be thankful; it could be worse.” Such condescension can plunge you deeper into the abyss of imposter syndrome.

Working with a great therapist has helped me unpack these feelings. To truly heal, you must delve into your past and confront the root causes of your insecurities. This requires vulnerability and honesty with both your therapist and yourself. Unfortunately, there’s no magic pill to cure this syndrome or break the pattern.